More than your average single momma's Blog

In the last ten years…the first ten years into the new millinium…there have been lessons learned, scars earned…endless memories…the good, the bad and the ugly of memories….have become just that—memories. 

2000:  Started at the hospital…I got engaged…bought a new car…traveled Cali to Washington
to MN and never wanted to get back in that new car ever again.  That was a long road trip! My grandfather was diagnosed with lung ca. Oh and I dropped out of a wedding, in which I was supposed to be a bridesmaid, a week before the wedding date. Why you ask? One word people:  BRIDEZILLA.

2001: I bought my first house…my dad’s house burnt to the ground one cold Sunday morning….my grandfather who had been diagnosed with lung cancer the previous year was hospitalized the following Wednesday with pneumonia and that Friday I drove as fast as I could from work to the hospital where he was dying….it was pouring that day…I had 20 miles to go and I had to get there FAST.  I walked in to see him struggling for breath….my grandmother, my aunt and my father all around his bed…holding his hand….sobbing.  Ill never forget the way I felt when he turned to look at me as I dashed in his hospital room—almost late as usual—he looked at me…he was so weak and so clearly tired but yet he looked at me and grinned the way he always grinned at me…with that look of “Theres my girl” in his eyes.  My eyes filled with tears and my heart raced because it finally hit me as real—he’s really dying…holy hell this hurts.  With that my grandfather closed his eyes and took his last few breaths and quietly died.  To this day I feel it—holy hell this hurts—I miss my grandfather and I wish that he would he met the PIT.  Oh yeah—I got pregnant in 2001. 

2002: I got married..yes..while knockered..big deal!  Within two weeks I wanted to rip his face of so does it even really count as a marriage?  Short lived, involved scandels, drugs, skanks and ended with death threats…umm I think that counts as a celebrity-ish marriage.  I also met lucci, and then kicked my hubby out of the house for being a he-whore on meth.  Thus begins my endeavours as a single momma!  My grandfather on my moms side also passed away in 2002….he met the PIT.  Grandpa Hobby was amazed by the PIT.  There was an instant connection between them.  The PIT was laying on the bed next to my grandfather the day he died.  I had just come from a “well baby check” and grandpa always liked the updates and I knew this would be the last update so I made sure to go to the house to give him the update in person.  I laid the PIT next to grandpa…he opened his eyes and looked at her…he grinned…by this time my grandfather was too weak to speak but that grin said more than words could ever do justice.  (Grandpa Hobby is NOT a grinner. I think theres ONE picture of that man smiling…hes holding the PIT)  I told him that she was growing just like she was supposed to and that she was a wopping 9 pounds at 2 months old.  Im fairly certain my grandfather rolled his eyes at me but I just grinned back at him.  He reached out and put his hand on the PIT’s little belly….they both laid there…very still just looking at each other…grandpa grinned again and closed his eyes.  I took the PIT into my arms and snuggled her close.  I knew that this would be the last time my grandfather would see her…I knew she wouldn’t remember what had just happened, but I know that Ill never forget that moment.

2003: I got divorced, gave back my house and car, I left the town I had been living my entire  life and moved to the city.  (BEST decision ever)  In the city I met old boss man…who Id actually be lost without.  As much as I bitch about my job one thing remains the same…Im forever grateful that old man took a chance on a lippy bitch like me.  My bestie lived with us…lucci was gone over Christmas, depression sucked so I drank….ALOT. 

*The stories get substantially shorter now I swear

2004: met the alcoholic…and that’s all Im going to say about that right now.  Oh! Also in 04 I successfully terminated the parental rights of Mr Meth. 

2005: the alcoholic totaled my car which sort of left me fucking trapped…so that was not cool.  And yeah, not ready to go there yet so….onto the next year!

2006: I was getting closer to getting away from the alcoholic.  I was in a wedding…and didn’t drop out a week before because my bestie is not a psycho.  It was the most beautiful wedding Ive ever seen….she the most stunning bride….the day was perfect!  Im so glad the PIT & I were a part of their day!

2007: I told the alcoholic that I was moving out.  We agreed to tell the PIT together because like it or not he had been a big part of her life for the past year.  I went to go pee and when I came out they were both crying!  WTF?! So much for telling her together like civilized adults you assface!  He was kind enough to tell my daughter that she & I would be moving to a different house because mommy didn’t like him anymore.  Stellar behavior ey?  The PIT & I did indeed move to a different house.  We were finally FREE!!! However, I pick a neighborhood like I pick a hubby apparently and after 8 weeks of living there, several 911 calls, threats and bitch fights later the PIT and I moved AGAIN.  Yay mom…damnit.  Second pick was a perfect fit for us.  In fact—we’re still here!

2008: I lost a friend to suicide in 08….thats a post of its own…. 

2009:  Still here…still independent…still lippy as ever. Up to 6 tatts now…who knows what the next 10 years will bring!  I started this blog jazz to try and salvage my sanity…so far its going swell.  Ive met some incredible people thru blogging…rockstar moms and badass dads…from all over the place….like Morgan, who dares me to dream and makes me WANT to believe in love again…and then of course there’s Mr Man who also came into my life this past year….he’s been absolutely incredible I must say….and that’s all Im going to say….for now ;)

2010:  Bring it~