About 2 years ago she asked me the question…..one of the questions I’d been dreading
I was in the bathroom putting my makeup on when the PIT strolled in, not unusual, she likes to talk to me ALL the time:)
She looked at herself in the mirror, looked at me, looked back at herself…suddenly her little forehead wrinkled the way it does when big thoughts are brewing…
“momma, why do I look like I should be Spanish?”
My heart raced and the only thought in my mind was “FUCK!?!???”
"Ummmmmmmmmmmmm"
She was 5 and I was gonna try to explain 2 things to her
1: you’re “biracial” (suprise)
2: you’re asain… Not hispanic
I sat down with her to talk about it. I was nervous and had no idea where to start
“technically, you’re dad is Asian and speaks Lao.” I blurted out like the insensitive ass that I am.
Without even missing a beat the PIT replies “what’s an Asian?”
Oooooooh fuck. I felt like hitting a panic button and screaming “I’m in over my head I’m in over my head!!!” What’s an Asian!?! Really!? I have asian friends! Ok I guess as with most of my friends it’s via Internet… The PIT hasn’t met alot of them. (Note to self….go visit your asian friends) Fine…but aren’t there any Asian kids in school? Why does she not know what that is? What the shit?!
I continue to try and explain this, the difference between Spanish and Lao, where Lao is, that no Lao is not the same as Chinese and why I have blonde hair and she has brown hair….
Every answer was met with a question. Every question met an answer. Round and round we went…her curiosity amazed and exhausted me! I managed to stumble my way through the rest of the explaintion, even managed to muster up a pleasant memory from when her dad & I were married, AND I even managed to smile a lil bit when I did. The PIT likes to hear stories of her dad, whenever I can scrounge up the strength to tell her a nice one.
The PIT and I spent most of the afternoon talking……as terrified as I was of that question being asked….Im glad that she asked. It was a mother/daughter moment that I wont soon forget.
Single Parent Bloggers Rock;>
James is half Portuguese.
It never occurred to me that he might wonder about it when he’s older.
He looks a lot like me right now but his skin is starting to darker and more olive toned — and he looks more like his dad every day.
Luckily for him, and me, his paternal grandparents are very involved in his life (as much as they can be from 5 hours away) and have plans to teach him about his ethnic background.
That sounds like a really great bonding moment between the two of you
:)
Is that you in the photo?
OMG…that must have been terrible. I’m so sorry you both had to face that. Luckily mine isn’t old enough to ask that question yet….Stay strong!
It was a moment I was dreading with pure fear! Looking back at it now, I think it went pretty well:)
Shes a well adjusted little girl…with a stunning personality…that girl takes life in stride…now, if only her mother could:)
XOXO
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I was reading up on some of the best ways to explain to my 4 yr old daughter why she’s only one of her friends that doesn’t have a daddy. I read a comment you posted to someone about drug addict donors and how children are better off without them and I had to look up your site. My child’s donor had been clean for awhile then when my daughter was around 14 mths old he started using again and then decided that family life wasn’t for him. I was okay with being a single mother and managing to deal with the “where’s my dad” questions but the kicker is that the asshole is clean now, has another daughter and is raising his girlfriends first daughter as his own. What the fuck do I say now? My child is smart, too smart sometimes, and my fear is what happens when she finds out about him and feels like she just wasn’t good enough? It’s not like she never met him either, up until he left she was a daddy’s girl, they were always together and he was her hero.
I’m beyond pissed with him but I have no clue how to explain things to my daughter without sounding bitter. any suggestions????
To your daughter, you say nothing. That talk will come soon enough.
First things first…how close is asshat dad and his ‘new’ family to you?
Is asshat dad gone for good?
Are you getting child support?
How long since he saw YOUR daughter?
sorry it took so long to post back, life’s thrown a few curves at me.
i found out not too long ago that they live 40 minutes from me. and child support is a joke, i have a court order and the states says it will catch up to him (whatever!) so i maintain on my own. i thought he was gone for good but my phone awhile back (how i found out where they live) and it was asshats wifey…letting me know he was completely stable now and ready to be “daddy” and wants to do it nicely instead of legally. last time her saw doodlemonkey was over a year ago and is wasn’t on purpose same place same time thing, she didn’t know him and i didn’t allow the intro to be made.
……..now i’m told he actually has a chance to get visitation…ugh!!!!!!!!11
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