When does this mother’s instinct thing kick in?
I’ve noticed several new moms asking that lately. That got me to thinking…..when does it kick in?
I mean, the PIT’s eight and I still feel completely clueless 90% of the time.
Then I started to remember the first few days of motherhood, which also happened to be my first days of being single and alone (sorta) since I was 17.
I remember a time I stood in my kitchen crying and calling my friend who already had children, asking her how to dry the baby bottles.
I washed em all up real good and rinsed em out…then stupid kicked in (aka self doubt) took over….
I thought “if I dry them with a towel, I’m getting fluffies from the towel on em but if I let them air dry, who knows what kind of fluff could float down and land on em. Fuck. I don’t know how to wash a bottle?!? My poor kid is screwed!”
Paranoid & irrational thoughts of maternal failure flooded my already unstable hormonal brain.
I knew it, I just knew I didn’t have that mothers instinct that made mothers, mothers. Again, my poor kid, so fucking screwed.
Only days later I found myself in another “omg I’m terrible at this mother thing. I’m in over my head!!!” episodes.
This time I had been rocking the PIT and feeding her before bed.
She finished her bottle, I burped her…got a lil burp and I went to put her down in her cradle.
Just as I leaned down to lay her in the cradle, she blew
chunks…literally blew them all over me, all down my back and all over herself.
I started to shake with fear, thinking “omfg I broke my baby!”
I called my friend who didn’t answer; apparently she was sleeping at 3 am.
The nerve!
I called her again, still no answer.
I was still shaking and covered in what was no longer warm baby puke as I got the PIT depuked, in clean jammies and in her car seat. I was taking her to the ER, for puking on me.
“I better call the ER and let them know I’m on my way” I thought to myself as I frantically dialed the number to the ER where I also worked.
My favorite sassy nurse answered and I explained what had happened.
“I fed her and burped her and then outta fucking nowhere she projectile vomits down my back just like my brother did when he was a baby, he had pyloric stenosis and I just know that’s what is going on here with my baby” I told her.
“Wait, ok, calm down. How much did she eat?” the nurse asked
“I don’t know, like 8 ounces or so” I answered
“Well for fucks sake! She doesn’t have pyloric stenosis. Unbuckle her CC.” the nurse/mother/co-worker and friend to a very scared new mama went on to explain that a 2 day old baby cannot drink 8 ounces in a row without blowing chunks everywhere. “You didn’t break her, you over fed her, that’s all. Lesson learned…all of motherhood is a learning lesson you know” she said.
To this day, that is still one of the truest parenting ‘tips’ I’ve ever heard.
All of parenthood is a learning lesson.
There is no moment when a mothers instinct kicks in exactly…but there does come a time when you start to trust the mothers instinct that has been there all along.
Single Parent Bloggers Rock;>
