The land between….what is it, where is it, have I been there, have you?
Well….my dear friend, Morgan, once wrote:
An experience we call “for now” in public, but a “for now” that, in private, in our heart of hearts, we fear will never change. ”
Jeff Manion calls the land between any season of unremitting difficulty, “Where life is not as it once once and where the future is in question.”
Pretty much sums up the place I find myself these days. Life is certainly not as it once was and the future is indeed in question.
I once had a job that I enjoyed….that turned into a job I did not enjoy to say the least. The frustration and aggravation of fighting a no win battle became more than ‘work’, it became a burden. A burden that in time, grew heavier and took it’s toll on me until I finally said enough is enough.
I’m a single mom, who just quit her job. I struggled to stay afloat when I had a paycheck coming in and now I go and quit my job and have no idea how I’m going to pay the bills that keep pouring in. I’ve lost my gawddamn mind, I know.
For two weeks I moped around, terrorized by my own constant worried thoughts running ramped through my already exhausted mind. I just wanted them to shut the fuck up ya know? Depression tells lies and they were LOUD and persistent…I would sleep my days away just so I didn’t have to hear them. I functioned well enough and at the right times so I wouldn’t disrupt the PIT’s daily routine. No need to worry her pretty little head. I’m worried enough for the both of us.
Thankfully, my ADD kicked in and the pity party was short lived. (I get bored and soaps are all effed up. Seriously, what’s with the soap star swapping?! I HATE that ABC…just sayin) I spent hours reading The Land Between post from Morgan and her own personal accounts. I spent hours talking to emailing my besties, I broke down and admitted I needed help…help was there in the form of friends, family, readers, bloggers and one hott litigator.
I’ve spent hours meditating, reflecting and praying. Not a moment of that time was wasted trying to figure out the ‘answer’ right this second. Huge step for someone like me who prefers to know exactly what’s happening, when, how and what the plan B is. Here’s why:
There are 3 truths about the land between:
1. It doesn’t matter how or why we are here. We don’t always get to choose what happens to us or what someone does to us.
2. It’s okay if we experience emotional collapse while in this place. On our own there is only so much we can bear.
3. What we do with the experience of the land between is up to us. This place can stay a dry desert where our faith eventually dies, OR this place, this crazy, middle- of-nowhere place, can become the richest and most fertile soil of our life.
Whatever you remember or take-home from this post, remember this:
The most important truth about the land between is that it is our greatest opportunity for transformational growth.
Unlike most “huge” revelations in my life, this didn’t hit me like a Mac truck. It just sorta washed over me, gently sinking in to the darkest depths of *me* and I let it.
An unemployed single mother should be scared shitless but I’m not. I am looking forward to this unexpected opportunity for my own personal transformational growth. I look forward to taking this journey with my girl and that damn cat, but I also look forward to sharing this journey with all of you who have been indispensable since the day I started this blog accidentally….
Single Parent Bloggers Rock;>
