Category Archives: Mission: Change the Mindset

It’s a topic that I am very passionate about.

It’s a choice that I had to make as a mother and it’s a choice I’ve never second guessed.

It’s a choice that many of you will never have to make.

For some of us parents however, we are faced with that life altering decision….it’s not as simple as you think you know.

Perhaps if I had done it out of spite it would have been simple…it would have also been very selfish to make the choice just out of spite.

Yeah-even I can say that and I hate mr meth.

Hate him or not–that wasn’t enough to rid my childs life of him.

It’s insulting when people jump down your throat and start bashing you for “ripping your childs father out of their life just because the relationship is over” …..

Um-DUH!  Do people really think that just because I hate my ex, that was enough to terminate his parental rights?  Not only do I personally feel that would have been a very bitchtastic thing to do someone but come on people–the courts do not give a flying fuck if the relationship is over!  I had to fight my ass off to get rid of the meth addicted, gang banging assface who tried to off me more than once!  Before you start judging another mother or father for ridding their kids life of the other “parent”–maybe you should consider this…it’s NOT an easy choice to make.  I did not go into this without having exhausted all of my efforts, researching and keeping my childs best interest in mind.  Yes, I hate my ex but that’s not why he’s never coming back into our lives again….hate is not enough.  Meth is apparently a very bad drug…idk-Ive never done it-Im antsy enough the way it is-I need NO uppers and I cannot for the life of me figure out why the hell anyone would want to be awake for 3 days straight and not eat! What the shit?! I just don’t get it and Im just fine with that.

What I also dont get is this guilt trip people assume that they are going to send  me on with things like “Kids need their dads” (yeah-Im aware of that. I’m all for GOOD dads. Theres a difference in a dad and an addict)

or “People can change” (Uh huh, Im aware of this too. Recovery after meth is highly unlikely but still possible)

and my favorite “This is forever you know!” (Yes, I do know. Just like Im aware that all my tattoos are forever…IM AWARE)

I get that people can change, shit, Ive even seen it once!

And?

Where my child’s safety is concerned, I have no problem ridding an addict from our lives.

If he cleans up someday (bwahahahahahhahahahahahaha…fuck. Im funny) it’s good to know that he’ll have to fight his ass off just as hard as I did.

That’s the difference between us–I’ll fight till the death for my child–he won’t..he’s not able to anymore–he’s THAT cracked out of his mind.

Still, there are people out there who will judge me & other mothers who have made the same difficult decision.  Alright then….let’s think about this…

Now, what if I had stayed?

What if I hadn’t terminated his rights?

I can tell you exactly what would have become of my daughter and me.

We would be dead.

How’s that for ‘forever’?

Or how about this-I could have stayed and taken the chance that my child might someday EAT one of my husbands rocks that he’s dropped-again.

Have you ever seen what meth does to a child who eats it? I have-it’s fucking ugly.

Have you ever seen the rash that babies sensative skin gets from a meth addicts touch?  Yeah-that shit seeps out the pours through sweat…not only does it stink but it also irritates sensative skin. Now what the fuck do you think that shit is doing to your BRAIN if its able to EAT MY SKIN dumbass. Eating holes in your brain-literally-holes that do not just grow back.

Ever had your husband look at you with empty cold eyes…wondering if you’re bugged or the babies bugged?

Ever ran for your life with nothing but the baby in your car–seriously-just the baby and when you get to safehouse you realize that you didnt grab formula or diapers because you were THAT scared.

I only spent a short time with the meth addict….playing his games, fearing for my life, my childs life….

My daughter was barely a year old but in that year I knew there was no way in hell he was going to clean up anytime soon and I was done risking my life trying to “pretend” like I have a family.  I didnt intend to be a single parent, I didnt sign up for this….I was dealt a hell of a hand and I played it very fucking well.

It’s taken me far to long to see this.  I didn’t sign up for this–I was GIVEN this opportunity to be a mother, a damn good one at that.

I don’t argue that having a dad (not an addict) is important to kids….especially to little girls…but not having a dad doesnt make my child any less advantaged than any other kid.

Not having a man around does not mean our lives are incomplete or that my kid is doomed to a life of hardship…

And making the choice to legally terminate an addicts parental rights does not make me a bad mother—it makes me a strong mother, a mother who faced her fears and never lets her daughter forget that she’s was loved