Tag Archives: dating

Weekend Update…..without Tina Fey

Weekend Update…..without Tina Fey

Fire, wine, cheese, chocolate cake and a man that adores me wrapped around me, not suffocating, not smothering….just enough wrap to make me feel as safe as I feel free

He’s a sport….watching my favorite TV obsessions, TruTv’s World’s Dumbest anything and of course…..DEXTER.

Hour after hour, he watches with me, never once complaining or asking “Is this crap over yet?”….knowing full well there are plenty of other shows (football games) he would rather watch (blood & guts is my thing…not so much the Hott Litigators) Yet, he endures hour after hour of me yelling “Just fucking SHOOT him” and “Oh holy shitballs Dexter!” never once letting go of me…..

Attentive, caring and compassionate….the Hott Litigator is truly more than I thought possible in a man…

Homemade dinner in which my only duty was to NOT move my ass off the sofa. Strict orders, or…he fears my kitchen fire ability?

“Don’t you even lift a finger” he tells me “I want to take care of you. This is your relax weekend, let me do this, please”

Normally I’d call bullshit and remind him that I do not need to be taken care of…but not this time….not with the Hott Litigator….he looks at me, I mean he really looks at me and makes me look him in the eyes (he’s onto my eye contact fear/issues and he’s chipping away at them ever so gently) I can feel it in the way that he looks at me….he truly wants to do these things, the little things, the big things, the fun things, the not so fun things….he wants to join me, not run me, run with me.

**The Hott Litigator will remain in limited detail..limited personal details. I’m the blogger, not him. I spill my details here..not anyone else’s. Be grateful for the few details you do get outta me:) His privacy will be respected here.**

Words from a friend that I’d like to pass on to you~

Several moths ago I felt lost and let down once again.  I reached out to a friend, a friend who is very busy with her own life but yet she still had time to reply, and to this day, months later I still hear her words echo in my mind. In the last few days, I have passed the same words along to my own friends. The words remain true and today I am posting them here….for all read, for all to hear….to echo in the back of your minds….

What I’ve learned since then is that true, lasting, healthy love is never meant to be tumultuous.
If you are feeling like you’ve lost your mind over this boy, you probably have put him on a pedestal in your life he doesn’t belong. What keeps us centered and grounded despite shitty circumstances is our relationship with God. You are meant to feel grounded and centered AND loved but never feel like it’s up to a particular man to give that to you.
I know it’s not the advice your want to hear right now, but I’m sharing with you what I WISH someone would have shared with me.

Breathe. Breathe, again.
You are perfect just as you are. Nothing is broken or needs fixing. Just breathe and trust God loves you and is present with you even if you can’t feel him at all.
He has the Man for you already picked out :)


Back when I knew it all

When I was a teen and knew it all, I was certain I had all the answers.

As an adult I have come to realize that I didn’t even know the questions.

I was never one to listen to my mother when she said “don’t run with that crowd” or “don’t date that doucher”.

In all honesty, I still don’t listen to mother…force of habit.

I made a lot of mistakes along the way and I’ve paid the price.

I’ve lived and I’ve learned.

Now that I’m a mother I worry about my daughter and the unavoidable fact that she’ll be a lippy teen before I know it.

I can handle a little rebellion…I think that’s probably natural instict as a teen….but I hope that I can teach her to make better choices then I did.

It was like a magnetic force that pulled me towards the baddest boy around.

I couldn’t help it, Im a sucker for a bad boy.

I can’t think of a single boyfriend that didn’t have a criminal record.

I married a felon.

(FYI-you have to check a “special” box on the marriage license if you’re marring a felon. Believe me…it’s no gold star)

I have friends that are still in prison, some that will likely never get out….it’s probably in the best intrest of society.

I have friends that are dead and buried…all I can do now is visit a tombstone.

People I once considered friends are now nothing more than an addict looking for their next fix. The person I knew was gone…only their frail and worn bodies left….no soul, no concious….nothing.

My friends include drug lords, gang bangers, thieves and straight up street thugs.

When my bestie & I look back at our teen years we’re amazed and grateful to still be alive.

(btw-my bestie & I are all that remain from a once notorious posse)

My girlfriends all have children, many with more than one drug lord sperm donor.

Three kids with three different dads by the age of 22 isnt exactly every girls fantasy.

For some girls though this is the reality of the rest of their lives.

You know so much and you got life by the balls….and suddenly your actions have you by the balls and every action has a consequence.

I myself, have an arrest record that I’m going to have to explain to my own daughter one day.

You thinks it’s hard facing your parents and explaining your actions?

(believe me, it wasnt easy facing my mother when she picked me up from jail or explaining to her that i had been busted shoplifting)

Imagine explaining your actions to your daughter someday, a daughter that absolutely adores you and believes you would never do wrong because…well…because you’re momma.

Not planning on having kids?

Yeah…me neither.

Yet, here I am….I didn’t intend to have kids but I certainly don’t regret becoming a mother.

She is the greatest gift I never even knew I wanted.

I’m not saying that I regret the things i’ve done because each thing I did & bad boy I befriended made me who I am today because I’ve learned so much through experience.

I share these stories in hopes that some 16 year old girl that knows it all as I once did, won’t have to see what I’ve seen, felt what I’ve felt and survived what I’ve survived.

What color was my what?!

It was once said that I was lucky that I hadn’t been burnt so bad by love that Id completely given up.

Clearly a memo was missed.

I happen to think that having your “husband” cheat on you with not one but two crackwhores, in your own home, while you’re giving birth is the kinda burn that can leave an incredibly massive blister on your heart.   And that’s only part of the fire Ive endured with misplaced love.

Shit, I have an entire post dedicated to reasons that I WONT date, plus I revoked my own rights to date until I was 30.

Fuck that noise….Im done. Keeping my heart in my pocket bitches.

Mhhmmmm….thats what Ive said for the last 7 years.

I convinced myself ages ago that there would be no happily ever after for me, it was going to be me and the PIT until she turned 18 and leaves me to chase her dreams (not boys) thus leaving me….destined to be the old cat lady. I wasn’t super stoked about it or anything but I had accepted it.  Ill get a fat lazy cat and yell “GET OFF MY LAWN” like Clint Eastwood did in Gran Torino.

(Badass flick btw..)

My outlook on my future as a single momma changed with one question outta the PIT’s mouth.

“What color was your wedding dress momma?”

gown

Motherfuck. It hits me. This is gonna be interesting…..

My daughter LOVES weddings….she loves everything about weddings, the music, the food, the chicken dance, (most recently she learned the Macarana) but most of all….she LOVES the brides that look like princesses.

So….how the fuck am I going to explain my “wedding”?!?!?

“I didn’t have a wedding dress” I replied.

“Why? What did you wear to the church” the PIT inquired.

*Motherfuck*

“Ahhhhhhh….well, I didn’t get married in a church.” I said

“Well then how did you get married?!” she squealed as if implying that I had been lying this whole time & never actually had been married.
*Pssshhh I wish*

“There are lots of way to get married darling…lotsa places…its not always in a church. Some people get married on a beach or in the woods or something…” I said (yeah…like that’s helping dumbass)

“Did you get married on a beach?!” the PIT asked almost hopeful
*Way to bring up the beach stupid*sweetbeach

“No.” I said as I tried to come up with some way to make this sound not so obscured in her simple lil mind. Turns out…it cant be done. “I got married at the courthouse by the Justice of the Peace” I said with a hint of shame in my voice.

*What a LAMEASS story! How disappointing! She LOVES weddings and wedding stories and I don’t have SHIT to tell her.

“Why?” she asked

“Because” —–Yes that’s all I said. So I left out the “because I was knockered” part…itll come.

“Who was there?” asked the PIT with a very puzzled look on her face….the one that says “Im not buying this because shit momma”

“Auntie” I said

“That’s IT?! She screetched “Was nana there? Or Uncle?”

shockedpeople

*Hmmm well that would have been tough considering I got married on a Saturday and called my family on Sunday night all “Oh hey btw…..I got married yesterday soooooooooo get off my back”

“Just Auntie” I said “That’s all we wanted…just a small, personal ceremony, it was very nice” I said

*Amazing I know. I managed to say that without projectile vomiting. I took a lot of Xanax but I did it.

Ill continue to do it because the PIT loves to hear stories…even though this particular story sucked and its hard for me to talk about him without wanting to puke….she loves to hear stories.

I think Id be ripping her off pretty badly if I didnt at least attempt to tell her any stories….

I think Id be ripping us both off if I didnt at least try to love again

The date that wasn’t

It appears that this ‘dating’ thing is far more confusing than I remember.  

Why?  Because I don’t speak code. 

 I apparently do not understand the lingo of dateland…I’m actually more than okay with that too. 

I don’t want to speak in code nor do I want to learn how to decode what the fuck you’re talking about. 

 I prefer to just say it. 

 Leaving shit open to interpretation leaves shit open to MISinterpretation which leaves one wondering “What the fuck just happened here?!”

 

Remember last week I tweeted about a date?

 Don’t worry if you missed it, it was a brief tweet. 

 

 Here’s the jist of it…..I had recently been contacted by a gentleman that I had previously briefly met a while back.

 (I say briefly because I was only sober for a short time the night we met. I was also terribly busy shaking my ass) 

 

When he first contacted me it was a brief “hey how you been? blah blah We should get dinner one of these nights and catch up” 

 I told him I’d work on getting a critter sitter and we’d work out the details. 

A day or two later I had lined up the sitter critter (pissing the PIT off btw) and let the gentleman know.

  We had planned on dinner Wednesday night.  

In my mind I’m thinking dinner, not drinks, but actually dinner and catching up like not in a bar, was a date. 

 When we had agreed on a time and place I text him “Great, it’s a date” 

 I mean why am I getting a critter sitter?

If I was going to dinner with my friends the PIT would most likely come with me.  I got the critter sitter because I assumed I was going on a date. 

 It was clear Tuesday night that I had assumed very wrong.  

Early Tuesday evening I get a text “Hey, can we move our hangout back a week?” 

Our what?

 I’m SO confused right now. 

And did you just blow me off via fucking text?

What the fuck just happened here?!

 (see, told ya…people wonder) 

I said ‘date’ and you said ‘hangout’…….is this like you say ‘tomato’ I say what the hell ever?! 

 Is this the new subtle way to blow women off?

Personally, I prefer the old, in your face way but that’s just me…..and probably why I’m single yet fabulous.

Maybe I’m really THAT clueless.

I’m okay with that too…..I’m really fucking awesome at other stuff.

 

 

There once was a man…

There once was a man, who made this girl feel something…..even though it didnt work out the way I had hoped…I cannot ignore it, deny it, or hide from it–I do indeed want to love someone and I do want to be loved.  I’m never going to have that chance if I keep running away from it.  Admitting I have feelings is really fucking hard for me…..but it’s harder to convince myself that its just not worth it…not when I honestly miss the way I felt when I wrote this….and why the hell should I?   

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When “our” song comes on the radio I cant help but grin….when I get a “good morning princess” text (everyday) my guts get all shakey and again I find myself grinning. 

 He makes me smile….giggle and laugh….a lot.

  MakeAGirlLaugh

When he sends flowers to my office #just cuz he makes me giggle and blush like a girl which is something I very rarely let people know….yes…turns out I am a girl….I do indeed have a heart and feelings. (fuck with em and Im still prepared to go all crazy white bitch on ya)

 

He makes me think..…think of things that Ive long since forgot about. 

couple

Ok fine.

  I never forgot about them, I just buried them in the depths of my being because admitting that they were there hurt and that sucks.  

Daydreaming of slow dancing on a beach near a bonfire, holding hands strolling city streets with a man that I adore and equally adores me…

Couplecc

..all seemed pointless to a girl like me. 

Wishing and wanting something that youve already convinced yourself that youve missed your chance at is torture when all you can see are the shattered remains of what your life once was….the mistakes that youve made….

However, now when I think about these “things”, Im not afraid. Im not hurt…in fact….Im grinning…AGAIN. So many ideas, dreams, wishes and wants come flooding into my mind…so many things that Ive been so terrified of…..suddenly bring a smile to my face….

“ What I need is someone who will make me do what I can.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

 together

This quote struck one of those rockstar nerves….it makes sense to me.  I dont need to be told what to do or where to go or how to do it….I need someone who smiles, takes me by the hand, pulls my lazy bum up off the sofa and says “Come on baby…lets conquer the fucking world together…..or hit the road, see where we end up and lay in the back of my truck…we’ll roll with it…together”

 5

 

Revisiting my mission…

I generally keep quiet when it comes to talking about relationships shhlet’s face it…I don’t know shit about relationships

Or do I?

Depends how ya look at it I guess.

When I rip on my girlfriends (I’m always the bad friend reminding your girlfriends that they deserve betterwhisper so…step up your game before approaching my friends) they look at me like “yeah yeah…says SINGLE you” and with that look I’ll generally bite my tounge and continue to bash their boyfriends in my mind.

After all, who am I to say shit about relationships.

Well, when it comes to having a successful relationship, yes, I dont know Jack shit.

 Marriage

However, when it comes to royally fucking up your life because of bad relationships, poor choices, letting it slide one to many times, hoping this is the last time he pulls that crap, crushing your soul because of you simply loved the wrong person far too much…when it comes to self destructing because of “him”…I know quite a bit.

 4xy

I can bitch and yell at my girls all I want…bust their mans balls day after day…in the end however it’s always up to them.  I was once the girl getting scolded for making excuses for the worthless turd….the one that wanted it to work so badly I overlooked things, let shit slide…believed him when he promised that this was the last time.

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I’ve been there…I know…lemme tell ya..some shits just plain unacceptable.

I hope my daughter never forgets for a second that she deserves nothing less than the best.

I hope that by telling my stories..women will be concious of their self worth and will never settle just so they’re not alone. It’s better to be alone and true to ones self than it is to sacrafice a shred of yourself to be with him…

wo 

To thyne own self be true.

2

I’m making it my mission to be the voice that wispers to women everywhere “you deserve what you accept” and reminds them “To thyne own self be true“.

hand

The girl with the scars and souvieners to tell the stories that only further prove the lesson Ive learned to be true…….

you only deserve what you accept.

I suck AT being a girl (thx for telling me abt the typo guys)

 

In case you haven’t noticed I’ve been hanging out with the badass ladies over at GirlyGazette and I’ve been trying to take the challenges that they provoke me with…..

today’s topic is Flirting….it occured to me, perhaps, I’M the challenge for the ladies at GirlyGazette

 I SUCK AT BEING A GIRL! 

 Shit, you ladies have your work cut out for you.

The girls gave great flirting tips today….I don’t flirt. At least well.  Or intentionally. 

Will I wear a low cut top and smoosh my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket?

 Of course. Dont be stupid. Those tickets are not pricey! 

 Technically I dont think thats flirting….thats just life with boobs.

 

Directly from the lovelys over at GG…. 

  • Wink at a cute stranger. Flirting is a great way to make you feel sexy. If  you are married or in a relationship, flirt with your significant other! You may end up getting your way later when you ask for something.
  • But if I wink they will think it’s okay to approach me. And its not.

  • Shave. Wax. Pluck. Remove excess body hair to make your skin soft and smooth.
  • No way.  Do you know the best way to keep yourself from becoming a slutnugget is to NOT shave.  Seriously, who’s putting out with furry legs?! Not me.  So even if I got super drunk one night and ‘winked’ at someone and WANTED to bone them, I wouldnt because my hairy legs are nasty….even when Im drunk.

  • Put on some sexy panties. They will make you secretly feel more flirty.
  • Ok I cannot argue that.  Sexy panties do make me feel naughty

  • Practice your “come hither” look in the mirror and then use it on someone!
  • My what?! “Come hither”?! I dont think my face makes that look…..I can give one hell of an evil eye though

  • Smile. Men find our smiles ultra sexy, even if we don’t think so highly of our own. A smile is always prettier than a frown.
  • Fuck. When they’re right they’re right.  I could *try* to smile more.

  • Curl your eyelashes then: Mascara Mascara Mascara! Instant sex kitten when you bat those suckers!
  • Am I the only one freaked out by the eyelash curler thingy?! I will not do that girls, but I do mascara them up!  The PIT’s lashes are naturally long, thick & gorgeous…snot. She’s NEVER allowed to even blink at a boy EVER.

  • Use your hips. Swivel them slightly as you walk and walk like you are queen of the runway.
  • Ya damn skippy!  I do feel like the queen of the runway and I do know how to use these hips

  • Do some Kegel exercises. It will rev up your nether regions and get you ready to flirt.
  • That does not make me want to flirt. I dont think anything with my vagina is causing this “get the fuck away from me” syndrome.  My giner is just fine! I think….hell, it may have closed up by now idk…im not using it anyways.

  • Send a flirty text or “Sext” to your lover.  (Over the age of 18) Does your phone have a camera? Use it to create a steaming hot visual Sext message! (Just make sure to erase it after in case you lose your phone.)
  • Alright this one I like and Im good at it too.  Sry, the mailing list is already full though.

      

    Moral of the story:  Listen to the girlys or you will end up as bitter & hairy as I

    All you need is love…and gratitiude

    Fridays (yes Im aware its Saturday but whatever) challenge is “all you need is love”.
    Over the past week I’ve been taking daily challenges with the fabulous ladies over at girly gazette.

     I’ve been taking on a more positive approach to everything I do.

    It has been a challenge for me-I’m way better at being the pissy bitter one, that seems to come more naturally-yet, if the law of attraction is in fact correct….well then no wonder my life feels like an overwhelming shitstorm!

    Don’t get me wrong, there have been legit shitstorms. Mostly self inflicted, all of which I’ve learned and grown from.

    This week has been a learning and growing one for me.

     A week I challenge myself to repeat–positive thinking, acting, and living.

    The “all you need is love challenge” has given me an opportunity to think -not what’s wrong in my life–but what I love in my life, what I’m grateful for….

    My friend Loy once told me “when you’re feeling like shit-write down what you’re grateful for and you will feel the shit fade away” You were right Loy. Very wise…if you had a vagina you could join us a girly gazette!


    I actually have so much to be grateful for…

    The PIT:  The greatest gift I never even knew I wanted.


    My posse:  Even when I feel alone I know that I am not

    Aunties:  My besties

    Strength:  Ive survived some shit…


    As a single parent Im incredibly grateful to be independant.
    We have a small apartment…filled with love & laughter

    Independant financially…no child support or public assistance, I take care of my own

    Im grateful to have a job…even when I dont like it

    Ive been blessed with exceptional Daycare providers to look after the PIT so I can go to work

    Im grateful to have a car…dear thugs–please dont steal this one k? thx

    Perseverance….I’ll always keep going….even when I slow down a bit

     

    I need to remember the little things that I love in life…

    *Random drives with no destination

    *Lillies

    *A sunny Sunday morning and breakfast at Fat Nats

    *The smell of rain

    *Memories of my grandparents that I will always cherish

    *Late night strolls through a busy city, talking, laughing, holding hands….stopping for a moment on a bridge to enjoy the view…and the moment

    Most of all…I need to stop being pissed off when the romance isnt there….I need to be grateful for the romance that Ive had the pleasure of enjoying.

    Yeah, me, enjoyed romance….shocking I know.  Im grateful to have had the romantic endeavours that I have (the ones that didnt end in chaos) no matter how brief the encounter may have been.  I had fun once….I enjoyed myself once upon a time and there are some really great stories that go with it.  Im grateful to have these memories….Im grateful that Im still able to make more memories….

     

    There’s more to it than bruises & black eyes

     

    When you hear “domestic abuse” what do you think?

    Hitting? Black eyes, bruises, scars?

    There’s a bit more to it than the physical abuse…what’s scarier is what you can’t see…the bruises and scars left on a persons heart, soul, and mind…

    Chances are you know someone who has been in an abusive relationship.

    Physical, mental or emotionally abused.

    You might look at people and think “what the fuck? Why would you stay?!”.

    It’s simple really.  It’s not always that easy to walk away…if it were…we would.

    Things get out of hand rather quickly and before you know it you’re trapped.

    Believe me…I know…

    I also know this….I survived. So will you.

    I’ll make sure of it…I’ll also make it known that I was once that girl..that stupid girl that shoulda left a lot sooner.

    I fucked up…repeatedly…I’ve survived repeatedly. So will you.

    Can’t hold a good bitch down forever ;)
    Abuse is sadly rather common and often over looked when there aren’t black eyes and broken bones.

    It’s not overlooked here.

    Emotional abuse is a lot for a person to bare alone…especially when you’re like me and can be exceptionally good at hating yourself.

    Depression and abuse…can be a dangerous duo….it can be hell alone…

    I tell these stories…I bare my soul so she won’t feel alone…so that she knows surviving is possible and all hope is not gone…

    ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

    “Im in over my head….again….”

    We had been at a wedding dance with my family and actually had a great time. The PIT got a new dancing dress, I put on a dress (I had been drinking) and boogie woogie oogied all night.  We (the PIT, the alcoholic and I) were staying at grammas house with my mom, brother and his buddy.

    When we got to grammas it was around 1am, the PIT was beat from bustin a move, my mom needed help getting gramma in bed, we had all been drinking (ok well not gramma or the PIT)…it was late and I was tired.

    Mom headed in the house with gramma and lucci.

    I was finishing my smoke outside with the alcoholic when suddenly he realized it was only 1…there were still bars open.

    HIM: “let’s go to the bar”
    ME:  “what?! No. I gotta get the kid & gramma to bed.”
    HIM:  “your mom can do it”
    ME:  “dude. No. I’m not making my mom do it all so we can go to the bar. I’m drunk enough.”
    HIM:  “I’m not”
    ME:  “I don’t care. Go to the bar then. You don’t need me to go.”
    HIM”  “how am I gonna get to the fuckin bar?”
    ME:  ”Ummmmm idk walk”
    HIM:  “no fuck that I’m not walking. Take me to the bar! I’m not done drinking!”
    ME:  “fuck that noise my drunk ass is not driving anywhere”
    HIM:  “take me to the fucking bar!!”

    Ooook…psycho…
    I was done smoking by now and done arguing with him about it so I started to walk up to the door
    He grabbed me by my arm and threw me up against the garage door.

    He pinned me there with his forearm across my throat. He got right in my face and was screaming at me like a fucking crazy person “you will take me to the fucking bar bitch I’m not done drinking. And who the fuck do you think you are?! Don’t ever walk away from me!!” he kept screaming but I stopped listening….what was the point?

    I couldn’t answer with that arm across my throat.

    It felt like he was yelling for hours but I’m sure it was only a minute….he was so loud his voice echoed thru the quiet neighborhood of the small town..so loud.

    Out of the corner of my eye I saw her coming…i’ve never seen a look like that on my mothers face yet it was a firmiliar face…she had that “you hurt my baby Ima rip your fucking nuts off” look.

    Her eyes…I’ll never forget the look in her eyes as she came at us…rage, fear, strength…I was so ashamed of myself.

    “get off of her!!! Get the fuck off of her!!” she screamed as she tried to pull him off me. “get off her I’m calling the cops!!!”

    Motherfuck. Calling the cops? In this town?! Shit. What will the neighbors say? Way to start a riot in my grammas driveway.

    He let go of me but immediately turned to my mother and got all up in her face screaming and yelling the “you don’t tell me what to do” shit.

    She yelled back, she screamed in his face and the way she was shaking I knew she was scared he would smack her…it was the same shake I had.

    They yelled and cussed at each other, neither one able to hear me begging them to stop.

    Begging him to stop…just stop!

    Now it’s after 2 anyways and the damn bars closed so stfu and pass out already!

    No no…it wasn’t about the bar anymore it was about women like us…bitches, whores, liars and useless.

    It was bitching yelling and name calling because “women like us should be put in our place”

    With that being said I ran in the house to wake up my brother…my very drunk brother.

    “get up!! I need help!! He’s gonna hit her get up!!!”

    My brothers gf & friend shot out of bed…my very drunk brother needed his big sis to shake the shit outta him.

    Well, idk that he needed it but I did anyway

    “what’s going on?!” the friend asked

    “he’s gonna hit my mom help me get him off of her!”

    B ran up the stairs and dashed outside. I shook my brother into a very disoriented state of conciousness.

    “Jesus Christ CC! WHAT?!”

    “he’s drunk and fighting with mom and I can’t get them to stop! He’s gonna hit her! Help me!!”

    My brother..that kid…lol still a bit tipsy he gets out of bed..does this wierd little shake/seizure thing, puts his budweiser hat on and says “here goes”

    Unfortunatly…this wasn’t the first time my little brother needed to save me from the assclown I was “with”

    This wasn’t the first time I brought shame into my grandparents quiet home…let’s not forget…mr meth and the misplaced rock.

    I don’t know what happened exactly…I didn’t go back out.

    I stayed there..in grammas basement and bawled.

    “what the fuck? What am I going to do now?”

    The way I heard it was that as soon as my brother came out the alcoholic simmered down quite a bit & they were able to shut him up, get him in the house where he passed out and probably slept like a baby.

    My mother and I didn’t sleep well that night…she was probably up all night wondering if he beats me & the PIT…wondering what would have happened if she hadn’t come out when she did…as a mother I can only imagine the heartbreak and disappointment I caused for my own mother by dating these losers.

    The next morning was worse.

    He must have been hung over or something.

    He woke up pissed off and immediatly started in on me.

    What a bitch I was..we could have avoided the whole thing if I would have just taken him to the bar.

    CLEARLY this is my fault.

    Mmhmmm has nothing to do with your drinking problem now does it?

    Of course by this time I knew it was pointless to argue back.  It was pointless to defend myself because he always made sure I couldn’t defend myself without making a scene.

    Usually I’m down for a scene but not at grammas and not with the PIT present.

    My mom wanted us to stay for breakfast..I wanted to stay, the PIT wanted to stay but the alcoholic didn’t so too fuckin bad apparently.

    My mom tried to talk to him but that did not go well.

    It’s like he was possessed…srsly how does someone wake up that angry?

    He said horrible things to my mother…hurtful things…I watched her heart break when he said “keep this up and I’ll make sure you never see either one of them again

    With those words he delivered a massive blow to my mother…I watched her eyes fill with tears, she looked at me…I was bawling…I looked at her with shame…yet again look what I’ve brought home..I wanted to die.

    This was way to outta hand.  What the fuck just happened here?! What the fuck am I doing?! How am I going to get out of this one?! Motherfuck.

    Finally I said “let’s just go.” at least get him outta my grandmothers house..away from my family before he hurt anyone else. “let’s just fucking go”

    I loaded up the car, loaded up the PIT and hugged my mom goodbye…we both cried…I can’t imagine how she felt watching us drive away knowing what kind of dickface he was.

    The PIT fell asleep on the 4 hour ride home…thankfully… Half way home he must have realized how much he disliked me…he started his same old speech…

    “you’re such a whore” (really? How so)

    “you think your so tough but your not. Your nothing more than a chink loving whore. Worthless” (again..really? How so motherfucker?)

    Fighting back would have been pointless and would have woken the PIT up.

    I sat there, trapped in the car listening to him point out all of my flaws, mistakes and weaknesses.

    I tried my hardest to drown him out.

    Part of me wanted to crawl in a hole and die…I was so sick of fighting..so tired of the bullshit…so tired of my own mistakes…just go away I thought…the other part of me started to plot my escape.

    I knew I was getting out and I knew I needed to be sneaky about it or he would beat the piss outta me.